Mike, it's Friday again, and that's probably a good thing. I read what you journaled this morning. You're wrestling with the thought that I disappear when the need is the greatest. You heard of some violence that happened - three men beating up one guy - over ten dollars - within the confines of the homeless that you try to help.
And you're asking, "If we're doing our part there, why don't you?"
I gave you a bigger heart of empathy than most. Several people in your life have labelled you an 'empath', and you actually feel the sorrow and sadness and pain of others. You literally feel it. And I tend to give that gift to people who have felt sorrow and sadness and pain themselves, because seeing it in others brings up an almost righteous anger and resolve to do something about it. And you do. And for that - to use one of your common phrases - I am grateful. To you.
It's tempting to say, "This was all part of God's plan." It's tempting to say, "Don't wrestle with things like this because God's ways are not our ways." Like you, I find those responses extremely inadequate. Here's the truth: My will, perhaps in a way you cannot yet understand, is for you and everyone in your life to have free will. None of this is scripted. There are causes and effects. There are actions and there are consequences.
Don't read that and think that all of you are on your own; far from it. Don't fall into despair thinking I'm not involved; I am. The young man who was beaten up - like you - didn't step from a life of promise straight into being homeless, addicted, and owing people money. I offered many exit ramps as he went down his path, just like I have offered them time and again to you. There's a very true maxim in your AA program: "It takes what it takes." If I use this incident to cause a change in his heart such that he is driven and motivated enough to change his life - what would you think then?
You tend to overlay your feelings and thoughts on mine, and believe I react the way you do. In one way, it's true: no one is more troubled this morning about what happened than me. My heart is broken just like yours. But people in your own life have had to distance themselves from you and what you were doing, and you're even now distancing yourself from a couple of people in the program because they don't seem to want to recover.
Here's the thing: I will never, ever distance myself from you. My presence, my concern, my comfort, my love, my healing - these are as constant as the sunrise.
For the young homeless man.
And for you.
That's the way to understand "my ways are not God's ways." It's not abandoning the questions by calling evil good; only theological infants do that. What happened was evil, not 'my plan.' Evil is never 'my way.' But where I differ from you is that I never change, and never waver, in my desire for you, and in helping you get to the point where you truly believe that.
Stay close to the work you do. Accept as a gift the ability to feel the needs of others. Just yesterday you started communicating with a young man in prison at the request of his sister, right? And you sent him a couple of NA books, and offered him encouragement, right? Why? Because I created you to be that way. Being my hands and my heart and my feet in what's put before you is the only "my way" that rings true in the end.
Opening your heart exposes you to pain and being misjudged. Trust me - I know.
But a closed heart will never open doors for others.
Stay strong.
Amen. - God
