Jesus, a tough evening mentally and emotionally found me at the end of the day yesterday, even leaving me with an almost hangover-like feeling this morning. Nothing new, really - the same old voices that never seem to tire of speaking: Fear, Doubt, Lack of Trust, Impatience, Despair, Self-Criticism. Even the return of one I hadn't heard much from lately, Envy - comparisons of my own life littered with wreckage against those of others with what seem to be endless achievements and success that feeds an ever-present fragile ego.
I'm trying to come to terms with an awareness that the 'good' gifts of the unique talents and skills that you give us are always accompanied by other 'gifts' that we would hesitate to call 'good': failure, loss, disease, pain. In truth, these probably do more to form us for your use than the ones that we would write in elaborate fonts on the store shingle. In them, as Paul tells us, your grace can be sufficient for our need.
And so the sun rises on another day, and I lift tired but ready wings again, always remembering that I am sheltered under yours.
And today I will try to summon the courage to rejoice.
Amen.
